My story of infertility is unique and extremely unusual, but the same as anyone else who has struggled with infertility. Hello my name is Dawn and I have not been able to physically bear children. Oh it’s not that I don’t believe in miracles because I absolutely do! I have 9 children so there are many evidences of God's miracles already, but there is one big miracle that started our journey to adoption and that was me.
It started when I was about to turn 8 years old. Our family went on vacation to Minnesota and we were camping in our camper. Think "tiny", not those huge RV’s. One without a bathroom, where having 3 kiddos was tight, but we loved camping and spending time as a family. It was all awesome until I started feeling like I had a tummy ache. This ache persisted and made me feel like I had to go to the bathroom, but I didn’t.
After hours of thinking this was something I ate or some other “bug” my parents took me in because the amount of pain was different. I went to the hospital where they said things like “kidney failure”, “unknown illness”, and “we will have to run a lot of tests”. After those tests were run they then said the words no parent ever wants to hear, “your daughter has cancer”.
They sent our family packing and directly home for immediate surgery. I have to say I am so very thankful for praying parents, family, and friends. I can’t imagine what was going through my dad’s mind as he heard those words again…. after losing his sister to cancer when I was only 1 year old. What does any parent think when they hear those words?
So the cancer they found weighed a whopping 5 pounds! I always joked that I don’t do things half way. So that is where my story starts - when I was 8 and had a total hysterectomy as well as removing anything attached or anything the doctors didn’t think I needed in order to survive. I am a survivor with the healing miracle of Jesus, a million prayer warriors, and great doctors.
I think the part that was different for me in regards to infertility is that I have known for a long time and that in the same breath I am a living miracle! How could I complain when I knew God had clearly saved my very life? How could I have pity for myself knowing that I have a mark on my life to do something for Him? I even have a miraculous story about how I met and married my amazing husband. How could I get angry at that?
Yet, there are and always will be times when I think “wouldn’t it be amazing to have a little one kicking inside?”. “Wouldn’t it be cool to experience what all the amazing birth mommas to our children experienced?”. “I would indeed love to be pregnant and give birth.” Then sometimes I feel guilty because I am so very blessed just to be here, and I do have 9 amazing children. I have experienced more miracles in my life than I feel anyone should think they deserve for sure. So my story is different and unusual.
The answer to my questions: It would be amazing to experience carrying and giving birth. After all it is an amazing experience. It would be amazing to be a part of “the club”. When I remember the amazing God who has spared my life and made it amazing, I do not feel guilty because my God is so much bigger than all of that! I pray whatever your story is you end up with the same answers. Our God is bigger and loves us all so very much!