The long awaited day has come! You hear those magical words, "You have been matched."
You are instantly on cloud 9, excited, thrilled, and over the moon! You call all your relatives and friends and they are all excited with you. You are just filled with so much joy!
Then it hits you in a way you may have not expected. You are to have a phone call with the expectant family tonight or maybe you will be meeting them in person this weekend to spend some time together.
Your knees go wobbly and your insides feel like jello. Now what? I mean you wanted to do an adoption and you are so very excited, but you have the task of talking to the family that is going to be grieving the very gift you are going to be receiving.
There are just no words that are appropriate in that moment when it all sinks in. You wonder to yourself will they even like me? Am I what they really want in a family to raise their child? What if they reject me? How can I act so happy when my heart breaks for them?
It is there in that moment you are scrambling to figure out what you will say or talk about. My advice in working with many families as they prepare to meet the expectant mother for the first time or talk on the phone with their expectant family is this.
1) Be yourself. You are good enough and that is why they chose your profile.
2) Relax and remember clearly that they too are feeling as if they may not be what you expect. You are all actually thinking those same thoughts- will they like me and accept me.
3) Think up some things you want to talk about as this can help ease those nerves.
4) Remember this is a time for all of you to get to know each other. This is also a time to treasure because this is a part of your child's story. Cherish these nervous moments because your child will enjoy hearing about it over and over as you share their story with them.
5) I think a huge help is to remember that your family and your child's family are all God's family. God loves each person in your child's story more than you can even imagine. That alone can reassure you all that allowing God to be in the middle of your thoughts and emotions will help you.
This initial contact can make anyone nervous. Pray about it and allow God's words to come and start the healing and bonding process. Even if you all see things so very differently there is a little one that brings you all together. This is a part of the very miracle of adoption.