Transracial Adoption Part Three - When It Breaks Your Heart
Thanks for reading Part 1 and Part 2 of this post, talking about how transracial adoption makes you ‘stick out’ and because of that you get the ’20 questions’ that often come. Today’s post is all about where it becomes very real. It can hit you in the face and not back down. It stings every time you enter a certain situation. It makes you want to throw your hands in the air and ask God why he made people different because some people will just never understand. I have the privilege and responsibility as an adoptive mom and adoption consultant with Christian Adoption Consultants, to walk through the hard parts of transracial adoption.
I will never forget the first time my children asked me what the word “ni**er” meant. It stole my breath away and something deep inside broke out in deep sobs. Please God can you not protect my children from the cruelty of the world a little longer? I don’t want them to know that people can hate based on skin color, what abilities you have or don’t have, or where you live. I want them to be protected and feel safe and loved.
I then remember that Jesus himself faced suffering, doubt from his own family, and faced the lashes, crown of thorns, and death by crucifixion and he hadn’t done anything wrong. I make known to him my anger and ask him to show me how to help my children in the best way I can to understand why people hate.
We have had this kind of hate from neighborhood children, from social workers, from a family that lived next door to us, and others. It is a horrible pit in the stomach, but how do you survive? How do you make it through the ugliness? I have known families through adoption consulting and within my own circle of adoptive mom friends where their own families have rejected them. Families where grandparents only have given gifts to the biological grandchildren. Families during get togethers have had to leave and never return due to unbearable hate.
What do we do in these situations? Honestly we pray, we try to do our best to educate and explain God’s truth, sometimes we let our anger out, sometimes we press in as a family, we have moved, we have made decisions to ignore, but we always try to come together as a family and discuss what this looks like. There may not be a lot we can do except to educate ourselves and our children as much as we possibly can. Educating ourselves from those who have lived through it already, from blogs of adoptees, listening to our children and asking questions, and being open enough to deeply care about what we learn. Enough that we show our children and their biological families that we see and hear them.
I think these situations deeply grieve our Heavenly Father’s heart and I remember that it was his own idea to be creative when he made humans. He saw the loss and hurt people could create and chose to redeem us. I have to believe that it is his joy to see his children grow in His love even when the situation is tough.
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