How God Changed My Mind About Open Adoption
The reality of open adoption can be challenging and scary, but I love when God throws open the doors of how He wants to grow us. This is a beautiful story written by one of our families, David & Ashley who came to us at Christian Adoption Consultants inquiring about domestic adoption this past December. Ashley shares:
"This is the truth, but my truth. I'm not going to sit here and pretend that “Open Adoption” was where I originally envisioned our adoption path to lead to. It wasn’t even remotely close, in fact it scared me to death. I think I had visions of our son's birth mom showing up at my house and wanting him back or calling or texting me every day, or even worse when our son's old enough wanting to meet her and, *gasp*, actually stay connected! The insecurity I felt over that was dreadful. He would of course love her more: it's his birth mom! He would leave me in the dust for sure, and I would be sitting there: 18 years of love and memories, gone.
Okay, I know that's pretty dramatic, but I promise you those are things I feared when I thought of “Open Adoption”. I pretended I was even okay with “Semi-Open”, but if I were putting it all out there I think I even feared that. As a Christian I knew and trusted that God would make it okay and find us that perfect situation that would let me stay in my own little bubble of comfort, and present us with a birth mom that wanted the same type of adoption as us; maybe even a “Closed Adoption.” Isn't it funny when God has a completely different plan for you and is probably laughing, that I actually thought He would keep me in that nice bubble. Nope, think again people, I couldn't be in a more “Open Adoption” than I am in today!
Thank you God for not answering those prayers, and for making me step into the world of “Open Adoption.” I couldn't imagine life without our son's birth mom; from the moment our son's birth mom saw our profile and said yes to us was such an exciting and emotional day. We were finally going to be adding to our family of three and making it four. The birth mom wanted to meet us a few days later, and I was beyond nervous. I prayed all day every day till the day of our meeting. I prayed that everything would go great and that she would love us, as well as the fact that she would want the same level of openness as us.
From the moment of our first meeting it was like we had an instant connection, the social worker called it a “love fest.” We talked for hours and hours, and as the time passed by my walls kept coming down until it was just me following my heart, and where God was leading it. We exchanged numbers and she instantly asked me to take her to her appointments where we would make whole days out of it by getting lunch or getting our nails done together. We even did play dates with our already existing children, and we talked on a daily basis. She invited me to be in the room when she delivered our son, and even asked me to stay the night at the hospital the full 48 hours after the birth, because she wanted me to bond with him! Can you believe this is the same girl that didn't even want a “Semi Open” adoption plan, and now I'm sleeping over with my sons birth mom?!
After thinking about it and wondering how my heart changed so fast, I got to thinking that if I was a birth mom I would want to get to know as much as possible about the adoptive parents. I would want to be able to trust that this was going to be the perfect family for my baby. How do you do that, but by spending time together getting to know each other by talking via phone or in person. After having our son we decided on a plan for what the future holds for us. We talked openly about giving each other space for a little while as we all need time to bond and heal emotionally, physically and spiritually. We have each others' numbers, where she knows, and I know, we can reach out to each other at any time. She's texted me once in the last four weeks to wish me a Happy Mother's Day, where I then sent her a little update and a few pictures. She hopes to do yearly visits, and as of now I wouldn't want it any other way. She’s blessed us in more ways then the obvious.
How blessed is our son, that later in life when he gets older and starts to ask questions about his birth mom, I can tell him so much about her, her story, her family, her personality everything?! I can truly say his birth mom loved him so much that she knew she had to do the most selfless thing anyone could do. I pray that because of our “Open Adoption” our son will feel a sense of identity that I feel is invaluable. Is this always going to be an easy path? Nope. Will we have moments that will be hard? I'm sure. Will it be worth it? Without a doubt! Open Adoption is definitely life changing in such a positive way."
Thank you Ashley for sharing your amazing and beautiful story of God's faithfulness, and how He moved upon your heart regarding your perceptions and plans. It is an honor to walk alongside our families from inquiry to finalization of their adoption. The time from Ashley and David's inquiry to their beautiful son being born was just a hair under 5 months!
We would be honored to help, support and encourage you on your adoption journey too! Don't hesitate to call or email - we'd love to talk more about your adoption dreams, and what we at Christian Adoption Consultants can offer you on YOUR journey!
Call or email Dawn at (813) 360-7368